Mindfulness During The Holidays

With the holiday season happening all around us, there are many things to take into consideration as you participate in the abundant festivities. Sure, it is a time to be out and about, attending company parties, inviting friends over for drinks, or finding that perfect cabin to spend your holidays at, but there may be people in your life who are feeling a little lost, a little left out, or a little frustrated. They may not want to indulge in that fourth cup of your aunt’s famous eggnog or attend that staff party where they will know almost no one and end up hanging out in the corner alone. It certainly doesn’t have to be this way, and by introducing some mindfulness and communication techniques into your daily life, you can move through the season more in tune and aware of not only what you want and need, but what others do as well.

The holidays are often about gathering with family, and as we know, family dynamics can certainly be challenging sometimes. There can even be a feeling of obligation to make those visits and “put in the time,” which can sometimes result in feelings of discomfort or even dread. A partner may feel pressured to attend these events when they really do not want to, or even simply because their social battery is depleted and being around more people can be exhausting. It is important to be mindful and aware of not only your own needs, but your partner’s as well. This can be as simple as checking in with them to see how they’re feeling about the planned event or having a conversation about their needs while they are there. And if they choose not to attend, respecting their wishes and not holding resentment is important. Try and have an honest conversation about other activities or ways you and your partner could celebrate the holiday season without the pressure of having to attend a party they don’t wish to.

Setting boundaries can come in handy while you are at a party or gathering as well. More than any other holiday, this is a time where many enjoy alcohol, which can be difficult if you don’t. Saying no to alcoholic beverages can, in some situations, be seen as a negative by those around you, and you may hear judgemental comments that, even if said in jest, can make you feel upset. You can remind people that it is your personal decision, and you needn’t explain it any further than that. Alternatively, if you are on the other side of the equation, be mindful about how you react when someone chooses club soda and lime over wine, and never make assumptions about why individuals make the choices they do. A negative or judgmental comment can often do real damage, even if it was never the intention to do so. Allowing individuals to make their own choices, and being mindful and accepting of those choices, will make your time over the holiday’s calmer and less rooted in conflict and tension.

The same conflict and tension can come up if we are not mindful about our own expectations and plans for the holiday season. Too often we feel like there is some bar we must measure up to in terms of how much fun we have, how many parties we attend, or how many gifts we give or receive. These expectations are often difficult to live up to, resulting in feelings of disappointment, resentment, and frustration. Gently remind yourself that there is no prescribed way to celebrate the holidays; what works for some does not work for others. If you don’t care for turkey, make hamburgers. If Christmas movies aren’t your thing but horror films are, watch those instead. Small changes like these can have you feeling much better about the holiday season once January hits. This can be a lonely time of year for many people, so if you are feeling disconnected or left out, it never hurts to reach out to trusted friends or loved ones and let them know.

Here are some tips to get you through the holiday season with some more mindfulness and awareness. Your tool kit can never be too full, so adding these ideas to it can be beneficial if you are feeling lonely, pressured, or overwhelmed during this potentially hectic time of year.

Lean into the light: Daylight can be scarce over the winter months, so when the sun does decide to peek through the clouds, take advantage of it. Bundle up and go for a walk or a bike ride. If it is too cloudy or cold outside, consider purchasing a therapy light, which mimics daylight and can boost your mood by sitting near it on those darker days.

Turn down the pressure: Practicing a simple breathing meditation for 10 minutes a day can take some of the mental and physical pressure you feel. Try square breathing (4 seconds each of inhaling, holding, exhaling, and pausing). This can get your thoughts back down to a manageable level and reduce your stress reaction.

Remind yourself to slow down: With everything rushed and people counting down the days, the holidays can feel like they go by in the blink of an eye. Take time each day to sit and reflect on how you’re feeling or what thoughts you’re having in that moment. You could even take stock of some of the positives going on in your life right now. Banking these positive thoughts can build up our resilience, which helps get us through some of the tougher times life throws our way.

Don’t forget to savour: Yes, the holidays can be a time to indulge, no question. Oftentimes these indulgences come at the cost of guilt, shame, and negative self-talk, instantly negating anything pleasurable. If you want that shortbread, eggnog, or peppermint hot chocolate, treat yourself, but also really savour it. Take time to engage with your senses and let the world slow down around you while you do. You can enjoy nice things guilt free.

A more mindful holiday season is one filled with more time to do the things you wish to do without feeling the pressure or expectation to enjoy it on someone else’s terms. It’s also about communicating with your partner, family, or friends about your own needs, even if that means not attending a social function, or planning to leave earlier than others. Slowing things down, savouring the good, and remembering that people have boundaries for a reason will all contribute to you having a more peaceful and gratifying holiday season.